I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
