"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
