My friends, they love my intelligence
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
