3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
