Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize