i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
