Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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