Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
