you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
