Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
