Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Randomize
