i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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