i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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