He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
