living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
