you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize