Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize