A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Oh god it's open bar.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
