ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
