I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
