I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
