College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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