These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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