jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
BRING THE BAGELS
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
