My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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