PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
