I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
