My nipple is on Facebook.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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