I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
