Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize