I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
