the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
