Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
