dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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