Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
