boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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