In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
