Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
