I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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