I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
