I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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