you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
