break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
