fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
