I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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