I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
