I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
