after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize