How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize