Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
