; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
