My room smells like vodka and shame
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
