I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
