I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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