Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
