well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
