I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
