Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
