God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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