I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
