May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
