Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i came on her dog
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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