I'm going to rape someone's good day.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
