I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
