and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize