Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
