So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
