Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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