shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
