I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
