so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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