I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
